yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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