Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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