I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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