Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
