Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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