the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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