ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need to calm my uterus...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
