i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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