i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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