I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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