if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
