My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
