I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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