Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
