And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
