dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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