I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
