you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
