So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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