Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
