I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
