and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
