I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
