did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she looked like the before picture.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
