I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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