He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
