I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
