So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
