As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
