i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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