I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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