Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
