Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
