Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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