Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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