Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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