Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
