oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
