I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
