Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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