I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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