Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
