Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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