But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
