I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
