I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
