Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
