Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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