I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
