We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My vagina is officially offended.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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