i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
